That I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood,

This is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

Now its too late for you and your White Horse,To come around.

Don't you ever hear a song and think...wow...that song is soo my life right now...or a song that hits so close to your heart

and you want to run out and tell people, "this song is me, this song was written for me" thats what i get out of this song.

I can so relate. Its such a lovely song

Jolene Nouvel Rangel

WHO CAN RESIST THIS FACE?!?!

WHO WOULD CHOOSE THIER "SIGNIFICANT OTHER" (aka booty call) OVER THIS PRECIOUS BABY?!?!

a dumb butt.called ___BEEEEEP__

(i love jolene)

Almas Veritas

Amas Veritas

my love...the one true love that i have not found...i don't know where exactly he is or if he even exists but this is my almas veritas....i throw it to the universe and from what i have been told...the universe is big and it will align itself and will work its way to put me and that one person together..to cross paths...to be a complete puzzle.

He will listen to me in a calm manner...
not try to change me...
give me advice that will help me..not corrupt me.
nourish my soul
love my daughter
cook deliciously and not hide that talent
be honest but not blunt
loving but manly

he can name my favorite things...
know my birthday, my blood type, and my daughters birthday
sing my favorite song
slow dance with me under the stars
promise me the moon
accept my faults and past
will work but make time for family

he'll have nice hair.
tall but not giant
eyes that shine and teeth that sparkle
faithful and marvelously kind
smart but modest
sexy but only for me

buys jolene her favorite ice cream every sunday
tucks jolene to bed
swings Jolene in circles and catches her if she falls
puts a bandage on her scrapped knee
will try to do jolene's hair even though he can't braid, do a ponytail or style
let her sing on top of her lungs to whatever Disney star is popular at that time
be her ideal male figure
teach her how to give a nasty right jab
and teach her the importance of peace and harmony

recycle
not do anything of the following: smoke, drugs, drink, one night stands
if he has kids, he's there for every play, soccer game, ballet recital, etc...
love his mom, dad, sis/bro, aunt uncle dog fish..

have initiative
loves to relax
enjoys baths....

loves me and only me and jolene.

Jolenita (video was made by me: oct 1 09)

My little Jolenita. I love this child with all my heart.

Saluditos, es Jolenita, mi munequita, mi chiquitita.

I have no idea where on earth i would be if she

weren't my life. without her i would be non-existant. i can't even imagine her not being her with me. at night we sleep together and i wake up and look down and see her little fuzzy head close to my chest. i want the world for her. i would get the moon for her, count the rain drops, and find the last number for her. i love her so much. with everything that messed up in my life, she was the one thing that makes it all have a meaning. she has made me think about all of the things my own mother has done to keep me safe and i have more respect for her now as I too am a mom. i hope i am a good mom, me not being with her dad, having her in the most untraditional way, having no money at the moment. i hope to get to the place i want to be at and that is have a successful career with jolenita in her hot pink tutu off to school or girl scouts or piano lessons. i just hope i do my best.

425AM Thursday Morning

Baby Jo asleep with Grandma Oli (my mum)

Sister Evelyn up doing homework..bless her

Why am I up?

Well first off cleaning so my guests are welcomed into a clean house. but really, its cause i can't sleep. I can't sleep because of the heaviness i feel inside. While I don't mean the post-pregnancy weight, that to is an issue that i wouldn't mind fixing.

Anyways, the truth of the matter is that..

How time goes by so fast...basically in a blink of an eye.

I remember beign 16 and naive. Going to taekwondo, school, being just me. The world ready to be conquered. the open terrain for me to explore..

but now i feel like i have backslided. I am no longer the same person i was at sixteen, though it was only three years ago. How can life just switch or change so dramatically that fast?

I'm 19 with twenty pounds over her pre-pregnancy weight ( and then some), single part time student mother of a six week old who lives at home?

I guess I'm writing this blog to write everything down like always. I thought this was a better idea since i won't be using up paper and i might save some trees while i do so....how very green of me.

Also, with baby jo in tow, i feel this urgence to protect her from everything evil and wrong in this world. Including her father which is another reason i wrote this blog..for the chance to put Jolene's life here since my life is Jolene ( i LOVE her) I'm not very fond of the idea her being around him for various reason which shall remained intombed until I find myself stronger to deal with those skeletons, but perhaps give him a glimpse of her by doing this blog and also for the few people I trust to witness it as well. Its sounds like fun.

I'll have videos and pics of our little adventures. its a very limited audience, I hope, i need to quadrouple (misspelled? janette let me know) check the security on this thing!

One Month Ago Today

ONE MONTH AGO...

Baby Jo was still at the hospital.

Her last day there, she was coming home.

my little warrior, princess, angel, my bundle of love.

Happy One-Month-At-Home BABY!!